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Post by Pasha on Mar 12, 2011 2:47:32 GMT 1
do you like bad jokes??
MMM
WATCH THIS SPACE OK XXXXXXXXXXX
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Post by Elkay on Mar 12, 2011 9:40:16 GMT 1
Oh no, not again, she groaned - oh, go on then!
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Post by Pasha on Mar 18, 2011 6:32:58 GMT 1
Cool Elkay lol and one back for you --
Good Catholic Joke
Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car.
They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen. Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen.
Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine.
"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine. She opens the window and shouts, "Get the f**k off the windshield!"
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on May 12, 2011 16:39:24 GMT 1
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Post by Pasha on May 16, 2011 18:45:47 GMT 1
Russian Police joke.
Viktor lost his job following a boardroom coup. He drifted into despair,and ended up taking drugs,spent all his money on vodka,and sold all his furniture. With head in hands,he sat on the floor looking at the walls of his empty apartment. "I really need to get some money to get me through the month" he said to himself. He decided to write a letter to God asking for 200 roubles. He wrote all about his problems and then went to the balcony and threw the letter into the air.
Shortly after,a Policeman walking below,picked up the letter.
He read it,and said to himself,"Yes this guy sounds genuine-I really want to help him,but dont want to give him the full 200 roubles in case he spends it on more drugs and vodka.
He went up to the mans apartment and knocked on the door.
"I have some money for you" he said.
He handed Viktor 100 roubles.
Viktor went into the apartment after thanking the policeman,and began to count the money.
"I just dont believe it" he said.......... The Russian police are even prepared to take 50% from God !..
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Jul 24, 2011 11:32:53 GMT 1
After nearly breaking my f**king neck on a pair of bright pink roller-skates on the stairs, I shouted at my son, "Are these yours?!" He said, "Well, obviously they're not mine." "Oh yeah, of course they aren't," I replied. Then laughed at him in his little wheelchair.
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Jul 24, 2011 11:39:46 GMT 1
"Dad, how do you feel about abortions?" "Well, why don't you ask your sister?" "But I don't have a..."
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Jul 24, 2011 11:41:24 GMT 1
Why is it that adverts for Durex Condoms are banned until after the 9pm watershed, yet Tampax see fit to ruin my appetite every fu**ing mealtime?
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Post by ianh on Jul 24, 2011 23:02:51 GMT 1
Nicked from Rowan
LIFE BEFORE THE COMPUTER: Memory was something you lost with age...... An application was for employment.... A program was a TV show.... A cursor used profanity... A keyboard was a piano... A web was a spider's home... A virus was the flu.... A hard drive was a long trip on the road..... A mouse pad was where a mouse lived.. And if you had a 3 inch floppy... you just hoped nobody found out
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Jul 26, 2011 6:02:43 GMT 1
I entered a masturbating competition for the blind.....
I've no idea where i came. ;D
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