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Post by ianh on Aug 9, 2011 11:49:53 GMT 1
My girlfriend's just packed her bag and left me because of my pasta touching fetish.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
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Post by ianh on Aug 9, 2011 12:05:36 GMT 1
Pasha loved his girlfriend so much that he decided to have her name tattooed on his penis -WENDY. Obviously, he had to be stimulated so the tattoo artist could do his work. When the penis was at rest, all you could see were the letters W and Y.
One night he was at the urinal in his local bar and he noticed the man next to him also had the letters W and Y tattooed on his. "Hey, do you know Wendy too?" he asked.
"No mon" the other replied, "Mine says 'WELCOME TO BARBADOS, HAVE A NICE DAY'"
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Aug 20, 2011 23:17:35 GMT 1
I don't know what disturbs me more, my attraction towards my girlfriends mother. The fact that she's 81 or the fact that she's also my mother.
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Aug 21, 2011 11:58:32 GMT 1
A dwarf dressed as a Tarot Reader has escaped from a high security prison in England.
Local police issued a statement saying "There is a small medium at large"
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Oct 5, 2011 16:38:21 GMT 1
I had a dream last night. There was an ocean made out of loads of fizzy drinks. But then I realized it was just a Fanta sea.
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Oct 9, 2011 19:03:26 GMT 1
Old Macdonald had a really bad scrabble hand......
E - I - E - I - O
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Oct 9, 2011 19:05:59 GMT 1
It's been reported that Paul McCartney is to marry for the third time today.
He must have been up early.
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Jan 7, 2012 9:08:24 GMT 1
Just had a letter saying my friend had died and he has left me very expensive watch. I hope it's not a wind-up..............
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Post by Pasha on Jan 8, 2012 18:27:40 GMT 1
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. "Wow, this is great," he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight: lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.
Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"
"Yes. Come and join us," they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked. "Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them." This he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he asked them again, "What else do you do?"
"You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well." The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. "Is there anything else you guys do?" he asked. One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly. "There's one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there," he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. "They're girls. We shag them. Go and try it." Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning screwing his little heart out until, completely knackered, he staggered back over to the guys. "That was fantastic," he panted. "So are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked. "I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't." The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you liked it here."
"I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the laboratory. I'm dying for a cigarette."
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Post by Pasha on Jan 8, 2012 18:30:14 GMT 1
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend, he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in June, and left me $10,000." said the friend. "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $50,000." The man looking concerned says, "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." The friend continues, "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months??? How sad!!!" "Then this month,..." continued, the friend, "Nothing! Not a single dime!"
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