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Post by Ali on Apr 13, 2012 23:04:47 GMT 1
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Apr 24, 2012 4:19:21 GMT 1
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says, "No Way!, you won't bring it back."
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Apr 24, 2012 4:22:12 GMT 1
So here I am, 5.20am, Internet Cafe with the biggest, meanest looking, f***ing ni**er I've ever seen reading every word I ty
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2012 8:46:18 GMT 1
Had to think about the last one but...... ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Pasha on Apr 25, 2012 4:13:32 GMT 1
A drunk man, who smelled of liquor, sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say Father, do you know what causes arthritis?'
The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.'
The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned, ' Then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'
The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.'
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Post by Pasha on Apr 25, 2012 16:40:37 GMT 1
Mr Cat and Mr kattie were sitting around last Saturday barbequeing, when Mr Cat noticed a three-legged pig walking around the yard. Mr Cat asks Mr kattie, "Hey, why dat pig only gots three legs, dude ?" Mr kattie tells him, "Oh him, that's a very special pig. Last month, kattie was walking through de woods and was attacked by a pack of wild dogs. That pig jumped in and fought off all them dogs, and saved kattie's life." Mr Cat asked, "And dat's how he lost his leg ?" Mr kattie says, "No, the other day, I was plowin' my fields, when I fell off my tractor and that tractor almost ran over me, but that pig jumped in front of the tractor and kept it from running over me and saved my life." Mr Cat asks again, "And that's how he lost his leg ?" Mr kattie replies, "Oh no!! The pig came out of that OK too. But you know, a pig dat valuable, you don't eat it all at one time, no !"
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Jun 24, 2012 8:13:54 GMT 1
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Pokey. But I've turned myself around.
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Jun 24, 2012 8:18:50 GMT 1
The wife broke her finger today. But on the other hand she was completely fine.
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Jun 27, 2012 7:16:02 GMT 1
A Scotsman returned home after a medical check up to tell his wife: "There's good news and bad news". "Tell me the bad news first" she said eagerly. "I've got sugar in my urine, so there's a strong chance I'm diabetic". "And what's the good news?" "Think of the money I'll save by pissing on my cornflakes!"
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Jun 30, 2012 6:45:29 GMT 1
I used to have a fear of hurdles.
But then I got over it. ;D
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