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Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2011 17:37:36 GMT 1
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
@ kergotu
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Mar 27, 2011 18:24:36 GMT 1
Wife with PMT: "OY...DO YOU WANT ANYTHING TO EAT?" Husband: "What choices are there?" Wife: "YES OR F**KING NO!.............
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Post by Pasha on Mar 31, 2011 7:31:05 GMT 1
THE MISTRESS
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!" "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris,no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." FOR SHE PAY'S FOR ALL OF THESE THING'S
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Sasha?"asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies ;D ;D ;D __________________
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Post by Pasha on Apr 1, 2011 20:06:58 GMT 1
A woman turns to her fella and says,
'Say something that will make me happy, mad and sad at the same time.'
He thinks about it for a bit and then says,
'Well...you've got a tighter pussy than your baby sister!.'
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Post by Pasha on Apr 1, 2011 20:13:15 GMT 1
Heres one for the older generations ;D ;D ;D Ian was watching The news and the weatherman said "In this cold weather we should make sure our neighbours are ok." Ian thought for a minute and said to himself-- "My 87 year old neighbour hasn't checked on me once--- and the lazy woof hasn't even taken her milk in for two weeks"
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Post by Pasha on Apr 1, 2011 21:01:37 GMT 1
This one has gotta be worth a pinking!! Why do women wear knickers? Because workplace health and safety states-- 'all manholes must be covered when not in use' ;D
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Post by Pasha on Apr 1, 2011 21:21:39 GMT 1
These two guys walk into a bar, and they've each got a black eye... The bartender asks the first guy. "What happened to you?"
The first guy responds "I had a slight mishap of words with my wife.. You see, we were getting plane tickets, and the lady behind the terminal was REALLY big breasted and I accidentally said `Two pickets to titsburg please!' and I MEANT to say 'Two tickets to Pittsburgh!' and she hit me.."
The bartender looks at the second guy and asks. "And you?"
The second guy responds "I had a slight mishap of words also.. This morning, while I was eating breakfast, I meant to say 'Please pass the margarine' but instead, I accidentally said `You stupid woof, you ruined my life'..."
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Apr 2, 2011 9:16:21 GMT 1
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Apr 2, 2011 9:17:58 GMT 1
A man was invited to some old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
He was impressed since the couple had been married almost 60 years.
While the wife was off in the kitchen, the guy said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names."
His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago."
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Post by Pasha on Apr 5, 2011 8:03:03 GMT 1
BUYING CONDOMS
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
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