kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Paddy
Mar 27, 2011 18:13:52 GMT 1
Post by kergotu on Mar 27, 2011 18:13:52 GMT 1
When asked if he preferred legs or breasts.
Paddy said that he had a particular fondness for shaved fan***s.
He was informed that this wasn't an option with a KFC Bargain Bucket!
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Paddy
Apr 28, 2011 19:35:15 GMT 1
Post by kergotu on Apr 28, 2011 19:35:15 GMT 1
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.
A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausage?" The assistant asks, "Are you Irish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something.
If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?"
The assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
The guy says, "Well then, just because I asked for Irish sausage,
why did you ask me if I'm Irish?"
The assistant replied, "Because you're in Halfords."
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Paddy
May 29, 2011 19:25:27 GMT 1
Post by kergotu on May 29, 2011 19:25:27 GMT 1
Little paddy's in class, Geography. The teacher asks him where is Pakistan?
Little Paddy replies, "Outside playing with Paki-Dave and Paki-Mike, miss.
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Paddy
May 29, 2011 19:34:31 GMT 1
Post by kergotu on May 29, 2011 19:34:31 GMT 1
Paddy says to Mike, "I see Christmas is on a Friday this year!"
Mike replies, "Lets hope it's not a 13th. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Paddy
Jun 28, 2011 14:35:35 GMT 1
Post by kergotu on Jun 28, 2011 14:35:35 GMT 1
Tap on the Shoulder.
Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for the station leaned over to ask Paddy the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.
Paddy screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said "are you OK Mick? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."
The badly shaken passenger apologized to Paddy and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."
Paddy replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab.
I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."
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Paddy
Jun 28, 2011 15:54:52 GMT 1
Post by 4STIX on Jun 28, 2011 15:54:52 GMT 1
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Paddy
Jul 14, 2011 7:07:02 GMT 1
Post by kergotu on Jul 14, 2011 7:07:02 GMT 1
Young Paddy shouts to his mum upstairs. "MUM, MUM, CAN YOU HELP ME?"
His mum shouts back, "DON'T YOU SHOUT AT ME LIKE THAT, COME UP HERE AND TALK TO PROPERLY!".
Young Paddy walks through the kitchen, lounge and up the stairs to his mum's bedroom.
"That's better Paddy, what do you want."
Paddy: "I've got dog sh*t all over my shoes and can't get it off".
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Paddy
Jul 24, 2011 9:57:38 GMT 1
Post by ianh on Jul 24, 2011 9:57:38 GMT 1
Paddy and Mick were waiting at the bus stop when a lorry went past loaded with turf.
Paddy said "I'm gonna do that when I win the lottery"
"What's that?" asked Mick
"Send me lawn away to get it cut" Paddy replied
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Paddy
Jul 30, 2011 16:21:45 GMT 1
Post by kergotu on Jul 30, 2011 16:21:45 GMT 1
Paddy asked David Beckham about these stupid transfer rumours?"
"They're not stupid transfers - they're tattoos".
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Paddy
Aug 12, 2011 7:11:27 GMT 1
Post by kergotu on Aug 12, 2011 7:11:27 GMT 1
My mate Paddy is so thick, when I told him everyone was out looting Currys on Sat' night he rushed off and brought me back a Chicken Balti. ;D
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