kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Paddy
Oct 25, 2011 23:21:14 GMT 1
Post by kergotu on Oct 25, 2011 23:21:14 GMT 1
People in Irland have been advised to use sandbags to help protect themselves and their property against localised flooding. _________ In other news: Paddy and Mick have been found dead in the river with sandbags strapped to their chest.
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Paddy
Oct 25, 2011 23:40:23 GMT 1
Post by kergotu on Oct 25, 2011 23:40:23 GMT 1
Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy, who has a broken leg.
Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"
"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.
"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."
"Fook off you liar!"
"I'll prove it," Murphy says.
So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"
"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Paddy
Oct 25, 2011 23:41:58 GMT 1
Post by kergotu on Oct 25, 2011 23:41:58 GMT 1
Two Irishmen had a nightmare day visting the sperm bank in London. Paddy missed the tube and Murphy came on the bus.
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Paddy
Oct 25, 2011 23:43:09 GMT 1
Post by kergotu on Oct 25, 2011 23:43:09 GMT 1
Paddy phones EasyJet to book a flight.
"Certainly, sir," replies the assistant. "And how many will be flying with you, Mr O'Toole?"
Paddy replies, "How the f**k should I know? It's your plane."
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Paddy
Oct 25, 2011 23:45:23 GMT 1
Post by kergotu on Oct 25, 2011 23:45:23 GMT 1
Mick stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
Paddy says, "Are you on foot or in the car?"
Mick says, "In the car."
Paddy says, "That's the quickest way to be sure, to be sure."
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Paddy
Oct 25, 2011 23:51:23 GMT 1
Post by kergotu on Oct 25, 2011 23:51:23 GMT 1
Mick and Paddy are reading headstones near the church.
Mick turns to Paddy and says, "there's a bloke here who was a 152"
Paddy asks, "What was his name?"
Mick replies, "Miles, Miles from London."
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Paddy
Oct 26, 2011 0:02:08 GMT 1
Post by kergotu on Oct 26, 2011 0:02:08 GMT 1
Paddy and Murphy are sitting at home. Paddy's reading his new joke book when he shouts out, "Murphy, close them blinds quick!" "Why, what's up, Paddy?" asks Murphy. Paddy replies, "Somebody has been spying on us!"
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Paddy
Dec 18, 2011 18:18:20 GMT 1
Post by kergotu on Dec 18, 2011 18:18:20 GMT 1
Paddy has been jailed for forging banknotes.
He also got a big fine which he immediately paid in crisp £9 notes.
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Paddy
Jan 3, 2012 10:40:23 GMT 1
Post by kergotu on Jan 3, 2012 10:40:23 GMT 1
Paddy finally got round to stocking up the new luxury chicken coup they got for Christmas.
"Have we got any eggs to eat this morning?" asked Mrs Paddy, excitedly.
"Give em chance you silly cow," he replied, "they'll soon be into it when they've had time to defrost."
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Paddy
Jan 19, 2012 15:00:52 GMT 1
Post by kergotu on Jan 19, 2012 15:00:52 GMT 1
Paddy goes into a specialist photo shop, shows the assistant a picture and asks: "Can you enlarge this picture of my son?" "Sure," says the assistant, "no problem." "Great," says Paddy, "but as you can see he's wearing a cap. Can you get rid of that?" "Yes, we can use software to take that out. I just have to know if he has a side parting, a centre parting or a fringe." "Hmm, I don't know exactly right now," says Paddy, "but to be sure, to be sure, you'll see that when you get rid of the cap."
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