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Post by mirabelle on Feb 6, 2011 14:52:38 GMT 1
Pash was snoring loudly propped up in the corner of the Snug surrounded by empty glasses & crisp packets, oblivious to all happenning around him whilst he dreamt the dreams of The Day He Finds Fame on X Factor. Those peasants out there in telly- land ain't seen nothing yet! Pash was convinced of his Star Quality and how Simon Cowell would instantly recognise his fine voice that was reminiscent of Sir Tom Jones, but coupled with his dance moves (as seen at the Kirov ballet), well fame & fortune beckoned. He could see it all now........... Alas for Pash the others took advantage of Pash's predicament, his having imbibed vast quantities of Calvados & Creme de Menthe ontop of all the rest of it he was blissfully unaware of the eyebrow shaving, the application of the Duo-Orange fake tan cream and half a ton of Maybelline over that. He looked hilarious! Just like Katie Price on a night out actually, so
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Post by Ali on Feb 7, 2011 17:09:36 GMT 1
....when Katie heard that her brother, pasha, was in Dingley Dell Katie left the salon with her new hair hidden under a hooded jacket, clutching little Princess, who was wearing an animal-print jacket to match pashas hair-do. She'd tweeted that morning: 'Morning tweeps!!! Another shoot for the new Sky Living show.. Billboards and buses here I come woo xx' (- and that IS mostly a true story!)
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Post by danceswithruskies on Feb 8, 2011 6:46:50 GMT 1
As every one burbled and gassed away, a strange smell became apparent through the open window-- a thick clinging odour that stuck into the back od everyone's throat!!---
"Oh my silly cat!! Who did that!" exclaimed
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Post by mirabelle on Feb 8, 2011 10:38:37 GMT 1
Katie Price dropping her child to the flloor.
"Bleedin' 'ell! That stinks like Kerry Katona's new perfume!!"
For indeed no other than KK was standing in the doorway of the Cowpat & Syringe blocking out the daylight with those massive knockers of hers as they tumbled out of one entirely impractical, nay ridiculous item that she called a dress.
Now of course there is no love lost between these two paragons of virtue. KP lunged at her nemisis, false nails, false eyelashes, fake hair, false knockers at the ready, KK braced herself in the doorframe then karate kicked her foe right in the plastics. Pash & all the chaps stood around the brawl completely enthralled at the sight of these two making exhibits of themselves on the rough rooden floor of the pub - the ladies were disgusted at the tacky display of course but carried on drinking rather than quantify it with a response. "That reminds me.........................." said Ali, "I really must bath the dogs when I get home".
The swing doors on the Snug swung open to reveal Terminator standing there, beer glass in hand. "I'm back. Packet of scratchings please mine host!" He viewed the scene with distaste, two grown women brawling on the floor but
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Post by danceswithruskies on Feb 9, 2011 8:46:35 GMT 1
He thought to himself--- Could take a few snaps of this and sell em to that alternative site-- might even get a few free jars of the amber nectar too..
Taking out his old trusty box camera and tripod he setup by the bar and focussed in.. "damm!" he exclaimed-- "no powder for me extra lighting".
"Can anybody here give me a Good Flash!".
The room went deathly quiet and all eyes focused on terminator--
The room broke into total chaos as everybody rushed to undo strings and bows and buttons and be the first to--
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Post by Ali on Feb 9, 2011 12:58:29 GMT 1
.......... release Kerry and Katie who's hair extensions had intertwined in the stringers of the frequently farting poachers poaching bag who had slid through the door marked 'dames' by mistake whilst slinking away from The Terminator.
Meanwhile, The Terminator was peering down to his shiny brogues in disgust, flicking off elephant dung, smearing the lens of his camera with an old rag he'd found - oy said a 'les flic' thats m'epaulette!
Meanwhile further commotion was brewing at Mirabelles shed.............
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Post by ianh on Feb 9, 2011 13:41:44 GMT 1
They were very excited about their exotic lingerie delivery. TJ reckoned he could, dressed in his new panties, persuade the neighbours to invite him to their parties, Lib knew he could have fun in Manchester's gay village. But the reason the box had been rocking was...
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Post by Ali on Feb 9, 2011 14:21:44 GMT 1
.......... britchicks mice! The mice had made a corporate decision to holiday with the van driver for a tour de France and having peeked into all the boxes had mistakenly made a gite in the one of the boxes box marked 'Dingley Dell Special Delivery' thinking it was a box of pizzas, well they had become rather tired of currants, cheese and peanut butter.
These pesky mice had been peeking through a tiny hole at TJ gadding himself up to go along to the Cowpat & Syringe and their combined weight had started to rock the box, good thing the box was propped up by.................
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Post by Elkay on Feb 9, 2011 18:08:40 GMT 1
Pash's box of vodka bottles. Meanwhile Kerry and Katie, now no longer being joined by the hair extensions had gone off in search of the frequently farting poacher, who they mistakenly believed had gone to the ladies loo beacuse he had a stash of white powder. But as they got there...........
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Post by lurcher on Feb 9, 2011 18:42:33 GMT 1
K and K realised the frequently farting poachers white powder was actually Talc for his bum!
Distraught at the lack of 'snifter' available, they hot wired Kerbut's Cortina, with the saggy back seat, and roared off.
Ianh, in the meantime, was wobbling unsteadily having been in a box when it was stretched. Meanwhile MrsMoustoir was holding her fragrant nosegay, and a packit of seeds, which.....
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