kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Mar 21, 2011 21:27:39 GMT 1
Hi all, Please don't panic, it's just to let you know I'm in hospital.
I've just poisoned myself. I ate what I thought was an onion. Turned out it was a daffodil buld.
Doctors say I'll be out in the Spring. ;D
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Mar 21, 2011 21:41:20 GMT 1
Complication. Turns out the new Dyson ball cleaner wasn't what I thought it was.
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on May 8, 2011 18:43:44 GMT 1
After my latested hospital stay, I decided to visit a whore house. The nex day I noticed green lumps on Mr winky and the ajoining nut-nuts. So off to the doctors again. “That’s serious” says the doctor. "What, What", I asked. “You know how wrestlers get cauliflower ears?” “Yes”, I replied seriously. “Well” says the doctor “You’ve got brothel sprouts.”
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Post by Admin on May 9, 2011 20:39:11 GMT 1
Aggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by pachypach on May 9, 2011 21:32:58 GMT 1
LIKE
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Post by Madame Moorhen on May 10, 2011 8:18:44 GMT 1
Only just seen this thread and saw the preview and was worried about you being in hospital...... ;D ;D ;D
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on May 11, 2011 8:05:39 GMT 1
Two patients limp into two different hospitals with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.
The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.
The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week and finally has his surgery scheduled for a month from then.
Why the different treatment for the two patients?
The FIRST is a Golden Retriever. The SECOND is a Senior Citizen.
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Jun 10, 2011 11:27:17 GMT 1
How unlucky is my sister! She hasn't had sex with a man for years in case of catching a disease and now she's just caught E.Coli off a cucumber.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2011 11:38:03 GMT 1
I bought a deodorant stick today, I have never used one before so I read the instructions, it said "remove top and slowly push up bottom"
I'm in hospital at the moment, but my farts smell lovely.
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Jun 30, 2011 18:21:01 GMT 1
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum,"Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legsgot wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work...
The a$$ h*le is usually in charge.
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