Post by happygirl on Nov 19, 2015 17:07:20 GMT 1
Some may have not seen this before.
Not all of this is true, but its appeals nicely to our prejudices and made me smile!
About this time of the year, older taxpayers will again be receiving another 'Winter Fuel’ payment. This is indeed a very exciting programme, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel’ payment?
A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen of it
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity...or
a high-definition flat screen TV set, thus stimulating the economy
Q. But isn't buying a TV set stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending
your 'Winter Fuel’ cheque wisely:
* If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to Gibraltar,
Ireland & Luxemburg
*If you spend it on Amazon your money will go Lichtenstein
*If you spend it on ebay your money will go to Ireland
* If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs
* If you purchase a computer it will go to India, Taiwan or China
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Kenya, Spain or Morocco
* If you spend it in your corner “Asian mini-mart” no tax will be paid, it
will be used in drug deals and eventually will be conveyed to Pakistan in a
large suitcase to fund terrorism.
* If you spend it on “cheap” cigs it will end up in Romania or Bulgaria
* If you give it to Oxfam 20% only will go abroad and 80% will remain in the
hands of the administrators, who will spend it on fact finding missions to
Cayman Islands, Thailand & Mauritius.
* If you buy a foreign car it will go to Japan,Germany, France, India
or Korea.
* If you buy a British car it will go to Japan, Germany or India.
* If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management
bonuses and they will hide it offshore
Instead, keep the money in the UK by:
1. Spending it at car boot sales
2. Going to night clubs
3. Spending it on call girls
4. Buying cider, beer or scotch
5. Getting yourself a tattoo
6. Visiting a bookie
(These are the only UK businesses still operating in theU.K. )
Conclusion:
Go to a night club with a tattooed call girl that you met at a car boot sale
and drink beer day and night !
It’s the patriotic thing to do.
No need to thank me....just glad I could be of help!
Not all of this is true, but its appeals nicely to our prejudices and made me smile!
About this time of the year, older taxpayers will again be receiving another 'Winter Fuel’ payment. This is indeed a very exciting programme, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel’ payment?
A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen of it
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity...or
a high-definition flat screen TV set, thus stimulating the economy
Q. But isn't buying a TV set stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending
your 'Winter Fuel’ cheque wisely:
* If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to Gibraltar,
Ireland & Luxemburg
*If you spend it on Amazon your money will go Lichtenstein
*If you spend it on ebay your money will go to Ireland
* If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs
* If you purchase a computer it will go to India, Taiwan or China
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Kenya, Spain or Morocco
* If you spend it in your corner “Asian mini-mart” no tax will be paid, it
will be used in drug deals and eventually will be conveyed to Pakistan in a
large suitcase to fund terrorism.
* If you spend it on “cheap” cigs it will end up in Romania or Bulgaria
* If you give it to Oxfam 20% only will go abroad and 80% will remain in the
hands of the administrators, who will spend it on fact finding missions to
Cayman Islands, Thailand & Mauritius.
* If you buy a foreign car it will go to Japan,Germany, France, India
or Korea.
* If you buy a British car it will go to Japan, Germany or India.
* If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management
bonuses and they will hide it offshore
Instead, keep the money in the UK by:
1. Spending it at car boot sales
2. Going to night clubs
3. Spending it on call girls
4. Buying cider, beer or scotch
5. Getting yourself a tattoo
6. Visiting a bookie
(These are the only UK businesses still operating in theU.K. )
Conclusion:
Go to a night club with a tattooed call girl that you met at a car boot sale
and drink beer day and night !
It’s the patriotic thing to do.
No need to thank me....just glad I could be of help!
