Post by happygirl on Aug 23, 2015 12:36:50 GMT 1
We were selling a small house for restoration and OH was sick of the time wasters and their stupid questions,so he penned this letter of reply to the future time wasters,I DO HOPE IT DOES NOT OFFEND ANYONE,AS IT DID A FEW ENQUIRERS, ! ALI PLEASE CENSOR AS YOU SEE FIT.
Here Goes.
Hi,thanks for your email,firstly i am not an agent but the owner,i bought the property to restore for family holidays for my kids and their brats,who are worthless ingrates,and thought I was going to break my balls renovating it with no cost or work involving them,but the bastards were bitterly disappointed , due to long term ill health,and the fact that I was not going to get poo upon this plan has been abandoned.I bought the property from an elderly French farmer whose parents lived there many years ago,it is surrounded on three sides by his land which was for sale at the time,but I had it surveyed to the amount of ground I think is sufficient for a septic tank and filter bed,also a garden and parking for a few cars,and not for family to be spending their holiday bringing the garden back from a jungle,(which seems to be a holiday pastime for the British !) as regards extra land this would not be my remit,as I can’t be arsed to run around after people.
The total land area is 1 HA 74a 64 the house is approx 180 sq mts on 2 floors and would make a nice 1bedroom, bathroom,kitchen,dining room and lounge,and of a course a 20 mt sq conservatory could be built without planning permission,I have all permits and authorizations to restore the property,and would be willing to advise on rules and regulations,where to source materials at best prices etc,having lived here for 17 yrs in a cottage 10 minutes away from the property.
All services are only a few metres from the property,1/2 km away is the village shop,bar and bakery,4 km from a larger village( Isigny Le Buat) with a supermarket,post office hotel and other services.
The hamlet is approx ½ a km from the main road,RN 176 about midway between Ducey and St.Hilaire Du Harcquet a busy market town with several supermarkets and all other shops and services one would expect to find.
Any intelligent sober questions I will be pleased to answer,the following are a few questions I have been asked,obviously whilst pissed up on Saturday night at dinner with friends,studying the French wine bottle label and dreaming the dream,but lose their bottle when sober and money is mentioned and reality and temperance kicks in,so pls think before emailing me,and wasting both our time,I have many photos I can email,but an inspection visit would be the wisest way to start your hunt.
It is in quiet spot,but not too isolated,that one has to drive 5 kms for a baguette !! or when you are snowed in with no fresh milk etc.So who needs isolation?
The property is only overlooked by the sky.
It is a 4 dwelling hamlet with not a tower block in sight,don’t quite understand the concern,unless one is planning Bachanalian orgies in the garden,and flashing your dangly bits and vertical smiles,
NO,there is no ocean view,so you cannot open a sea fishing and holiday resort
NO,it is not on a flood plain,but but if you are looking for a house on stilts you can apply to,Iriwadi Delta Development Corporation,Myanmar
NO,I have not got a kin clue what it will cost to renovate,of course if you want to live like a pig it will be very cheap.
No,I don’t know how long it will take to renovate the property,depends whether you are a grafter, a lazy bastard, or a Gloucester old spot,in which case,you could move in immediately.!
NO, on it’s own land,you could not run enough beef cattle to supply McDonalds
local crap food restaurant
This also applies to Llama,Ostrich and Chicken farm(except for a few hens for eggs)
As there are no ragheads in the area so there is little or no market for goats except to maybe perverts
There are no Robertsons in the area and so we have longer daylight hours
Although the lakes and river are only a couple of kms away,you could not open a trout farm,but could certainly aim at the fishing community for letting after restoration.
NO,I cannot tell you if or how much tax you will have to pay per year.
No,I don’t know how long it will take you to drive to the property from Calais or anywhere else,depends if you are a geriatric nuisance on the road or a boy racer who doesn’t give a f##k about speed limits etc.
Yes,I know it’s too cheap to be any good,but wtf,you need to see it,so get off your arse,it wont come to you!
If you are looking for a 10 room manor house in 100 acres and a 2km drive from the gate lodge to the manor for € 15 k pls don’t waste my kin time as at 68 and in bad health I don’t have a lot of time to waste
NO,I cannot arrange a mortgage for you,the asking price is a little bit more than the price of a tripe supper,and is negotiable,so if you are skint,don’t even contemplate the idea of a holiday/ ,retirement home,stay where you are and claim benefits.
If this description is not too clear,please read all of the above again,
Kind regards
Here Goes.
Hi,thanks for your email,firstly i am not an agent but the owner,i bought the property to restore for family holidays for my kids and their brats,who are worthless ingrates,and thought I was going to break my balls renovating it with no cost or work involving them,but the bastards were bitterly disappointed , due to long term ill health,and the fact that I was not going to get poo upon this plan has been abandoned.I bought the property from an elderly French farmer whose parents lived there many years ago,it is surrounded on three sides by his land which was for sale at the time,but I had it surveyed to the amount of ground I think is sufficient for a septic tank and filter bed,also a garden and parking for a few cars,and not for family to be spending their holiday bringing the garden back from a jungle,(which seems to be a holiday pastime for the British !) as regards extra land this would not be my remit,as I can’t be arsed to run around after people.
The total land area is 1 HA 74a 64 the house is approx 180 sq mts on 2 floors and would make a nice 1bedroom, bathroom,kitchen,dining room and lounge,and of a course a 20 mt sq conservatory could be built without planning permission,I have all permits and authorizations to restore the property,and would be willing to advise on rules and regulations,where to source materials at best prices etc,having lived here for 17 yrs in a cottage 10 minutes away from the property.
All services are only a few metres from the property,1/2 km away is the village shop,bar and bakery,4 km from a larger village( Isigny Le Buat) with a supermarket,post office hotel and other services.
The hamlet is approx ½ a km from the main road,RN 176 about midway between Ducey and St.Hilaire Du Harcquet a busy market town with several supermarkets and all other shops and services one would expect to find.
Any intelligent sober questions I will be pleased to answer,the following are a few questions I have been asked,obviously whilst pissed up on Saturday night at dinner with friends,studying the French wine bottle label and dreaming the dream,but lose their bottle when sober and money is mentioned and reality and temperance kicks in,so pls think before emailing me,and wasting both our time,I have many photos I can email,but an inspection visit would be the wisest way to start your hunt.
It is in quiet spot,but not too isolated,that one has to drive 5 kms for a baguette !! or when you are snowed in with no fresh milk etc.So who needs isolation?
The property is only overlooked by the sky.
It is a 4 dwelling hamlet with not a tower block in sight,don’t quite understand the concern,unless one is planning Bachanalian orgies in the garden,and flashing your dangly bits and vertical smiles,
NO,there is no ocean view,so you cannot open a sea fishing and holiday resort
NO,it is not on a flood plain,but but if you are looking for a house on stilts you can apply to,Iriwadi Delta Development Corporation,Myanmar
NO,I have not got a kin clue what it will cost to renovate,of course if you want to live like a pig it will be very cheap.
No,I don’t know how long it will take to renovate the property,depends whether you are a grafter, a lazy bastard, or a Gloucester old spot,in which case,you could move in immediately.!
NO, on it’s own land,you could not run enough beef cattle to supply McDonalds
local crap food restaurant
This also applies to Llama,Ostrich and Chicken farm(except for a few hens for eggs)
As there are no ragheads in the area so there is little or no market for goats except to maybe perverts
There are no Robertsons in the area and so we have longer daylight hours
Although the lakes and river are only a couple of kms away,you could not open a trout farm,but could certainly aim at the fishing community for letting after restoration.
NO,I cannot tell you if or how much tax you will have to pay per year.
No,I don’t know how long it will take you to drive to the property from Calais or anywhere else,depends if you are a geriatric nuisance on the road or a boy racer who doesn’t give a f##k about speed limits etc.
Yes,I know it’s too cheap to be any good,but wtf,you need to see it,so get off your arse,it wont come to you!
If you are looking for a 10 room manor house in 100 acres and a 2km drive from the gate lodge to the manor for € 15 k pls don’t waste my kin time as at 68 and in bad health I don’t have a lot of time to waste
NO,I cannot arrange a mortgage for you,the asking price is a little bit more than the price of a tripe supper,and is negotiable,so if you are skint,don’t even contemplate the idea of a holiday/ ,retirement home,stay where you are and claim benefits.
If this description is not too clear,please read all of the above again,
Kind regards
