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Post by wibble on Mar 11, 2010 20:32:53 GMT 1
Here's a thread for daft jokes: ;D ;D
Police are currently looking for a serial killer after several bodies have been found in various locations with all victims killed via being stabbed with knitting needles.
Police spokesman states that there is now a pattern appearing ;D
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Post by wibble on Mar 11, 2010 20:35:21 GMT 1
Newspaper reports notes today that a dwarf in Oxford Street being pick-pocketed
How can anyone stoop so low ;D
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Post by tobyjug on Mar 14, 2010 6:50:59 GMT 1
It's been reported in the Yorkshire Evening Post that a large hole 29ft across has appeared in the A1 near Leeds,diversions have been put in place and the local Police are looking into it.
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Post by lif on Mar 18, 2010 14:05:34 GMT 1
Two goldfish are in a tank, and one says to the other “well I cant drive this f***ing thing”.
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Post by wibble on Mar 21, 2010 14:10:39 GMT 1
I see BA is on strike again.
To be honest I dont think the A-Team will miss the lazy sod !
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Post by wibble on Mar 21, 2010 14:12:03 GMT 1
The grim reaper came for me last night & I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner, ****in' hell .......... .talk about dyson with death !!
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Post by wibble on Mar 21, 2010 14:22:01 GMT 1
Distraught farmer finds all his cows frozen in snow.
He prays to God for help.
A woman appears, puts her arms over his icey cows.
They immediately defrost.
Thank u said grateful farmer, are u an angel sent by God ?
No says the woman, I'm Thora Herd!
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Post by tobyjug on Mar 25, 2010 9:29:10 GMT 1
> The plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in Economy Class gets
up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight
attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then
tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to
sit in the back. The blonde replies: "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, I'm
going to Houston, and I'm staying right here!"
> > The flight attendant goes to the cockpit and tells the Captain and
Copilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that
belongs in Economy
> > and she will not move back to her seat. The Copilot goes back to the
blonde
> > and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will
have to
> > leave First Class and return to her seat.
> > The blonde replies, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston,
and I am going to sit right here."
> > The Copilot returns to the cockpit and tells the Captain that he
should have
> > the police waiting when they land to arrest the blonde woman as she
won't listen to reason. The Captain says, "You say she's blonde? I
will handle this. I'm married to a blonde, I speak blonde. "He goes
back to the blonde,
> > whispers in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," and she gets up
and moves back to her seat in the Economy section. The flight
attendant and copilot are amazed and ask him what he said to make her
move without any fuss. I told her, "First Class isn't going to
Houston."
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
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Post by danceswithruskies on Jul 1, 2010 3:25:53 GMT 1
Metrics Explained
My Guide To The Metric System
1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
52 cards = 1 decacards
1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
10 rations = 1 decoration
100 rations = 1 C-ration
10 millipedes = 1 centipede
3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
2 monograms = 1 diagram
8 nickels = 2 paradigms
2 wharves = 1 paradox
Works for me!
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