Post by JohnP on Feb 24, 2012 13:59:02 GMT 1
Now I'll tell you a story that is certain to please
Of a grand farting contest at Stockton on Tees
where all the best arses paraded the field
To compete in contest for various shields
Some cocked their arses to fart up the scale
To strive for a cup or a barrel of ale
Whilst others whose arses were biggest and strongest
Competed in contests for loudest and longest
Now this years event drew a remarkable crowd
And betting was evens on Mrs McCloud
For 'twas said in the paper, the sporting edition
That this ladies arse was in perfect condition
But old Mrs Jones had a lovely backside
with a bunch of red hair and a wart on each side
She fancied her chances of winning with ease
Having trained on a diet of cabbage and peas
Mrs Bugle arrived amid rounds of applause
And promptly proceeded to take off her draws
For though she'd no chance in the farting display
Had the prettiest arse you would see any day
Now young Mrs Porter was tipped for a place
Being recently placed in the deepest disgrace
Having farted in church and drowned the big organ
And gassed the poor verger old rattler Morgan
The contestants lined up at the signal to start
And winning the toss, Mrs Jones took first fart
The crowd stood and listened in silence and wonder
While the radio broadcast a warning of thunder
Now Mrs McCloud thought nothing of this
Having trained on weak tea she was all wind and p*ss
She cracked off a few with her legs open wide
But unluckly sh*t and was disqualified
Then young Mrs Porter advanced to the Front
And started by doing a remarkable stunt
She drew a deep breath and with tightly clenched hands
She blew off the roof of the popular stands
That left Mrs Bugle who was last to appear
And she turned to the crowd who had started to cheer
For though it was thought that her chances were small
She took the first place by outfarting them all
With her hands on her hips she stood farting alone
And the crowd were amazed by the sweetness of tone
The judges agreed without bias or pause
First prize Mrs Bugle, so pull up your draws
She approached the rostrum with maidenly gait
and took from the Vicar a set of gold plate
Then turned to the crowd who had started to sing
And farted the first verse of God save the king.
Anon
Of a grand farting contest at Stockton on Tees
where all the best arses paraded the field
To compete in contest for various shields
Some cocked their arses to fart up the scale
To strive for a cup or a barrel of ale
Whilst others whose arses were biggest and strongest
Competed in contests for loudest and longest
Now this years event drew a remarkable crowd
And betting was evens on Mrs McCloud
For 'twas said in the paper, the sporting edition
That this ladies arse was in perfect condition
But old Mrs Jones had a lovely backside
with a bunch of red hair and a wart on each side
She fancied her chances of winning with ease
Having trained on a diet of cabbage and peas
Mrs Bugle arrived amid rounds of applause
And promptly proceeded to take off her draws
For though she'd no chance in the farting display
Had the prettiest arse you would see any day
Now young Mrs Porter was tipped for a place
Being recently placed in the deepest disgrace
Having farted in church and drowned the big organ
And gassed the poor verger old rattler Morgan
The contestants lined up at the signal to start
And winning the toss, Mrs Jones took first fart
The crowd stood and listened in silence and wonder
While the radio broadcast a warning of thunder
Now Mrs McCloud thought nothing of this
Having trained on weak tea she was all wind and p*ss
She cracked off a few with her legs open wide
But unluckly sh*t and was disqualified
Then young Mrs Porter advanced to the Front
And started by doing a remarkable stunt
She drew a deep breath and with tightly clenched hands
She blew off the roof of the popular stands
That left Mrs Bugle who was last to appear
And she turned to the crowd who had started to cheer
For though it was thought that her chances were small
She took the first place by outfarting them all
With her hands on her hips she stood farting alone
And the crowd were amazed by the sweetness of tone
The judges agreed without bias or pause
First prize Mrs Bugle, so pull up your draws
She approached the rostrum with maidenly gait
and took from the Vicar a set of gold plate
Then turned to the crowd who had started to sing
And farted the first verse of God save the king.
Anon