TO MY FINANCIALLY FOCUSED FRIENDS:

[kergotu]

The Question of the Day is...



Will the Dollar fall or not?

[kergotu]

The Key to Financial Survival is to be a Tight Arse

[kergotu]

If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have £49.00 today.

If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have £33.00 today.

If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have £0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased £1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminium cans for a recycling refund, you would have received £214.00

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink
heavily & recycle.

Also a recent study found that the average Briton walks about
900 miles a year. Another study found that Britons drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

That means that, on average, Britons get about
41 miles to the gallon!

NOT TO BAD!

[Ali]

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D cool

[kergotu]

2000 scousers were asked, if Britain should change it's currency. 99% said No! They are happy with the giro.

[kergotu]

I get annoyed when retailers insist on charging 99p, or £9.99 for products.

I usually tell them to 'keep the change' but they get very angry. More often than not, they throw me out of the shop.

In fact, if I had a penny for every time it happened, the situation could be avoided altogether. ;D

[kergotu]

They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction.

My money's on Pasha. ;D

[kergotu]

Due to the Credit Crunch our company has brought in some new rules :-

NEW OFFICE POLICY - EFFECTIVE 01/2012

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes, Versace dresses and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's note as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor's, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral or make the arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon, after 4.00pm. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Breaks:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Fat people will get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

[Pasha]

Apr 24, 2012 3:32:42 GMT 1 kergotu said:

They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction.

My money's on Pasha. ;D

Cheeky sod

Naw-- me not got that affliction-lots of others though!!

[tinkerbell]

Thanks for the laughs,kergotu, ;D ;D