kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Aug 20, 2011 23:24:07 GMT 1
When I was a child, my dad tried to force-feed me.
After a while, my mum said, "Just use a f***ing spoon, Tony, you're not a Jedi."
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Aug 21, 2011 10:16:50 GMT 1
A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home.
1st kid says "A computer". Teacher replies "That'd be very useful."
2nd kid says "A car" and gets a similar answer.
Johnny says " At my house we don't need anything "
The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something.
Johnny replies, "no I'm sure."
"When my sister started going out with a Muslim, I remember my dad saying.
Well that's all we f***ing need."
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Aug 21, 2011 11:35:50 GMT 1
I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth fairy etc.
Well now that I'm older I don't fall for that sh*t anymore, thank God.
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Aug 21, 2011 11:38:20 GMT 1
Isn't it so weird when you're thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear? Anyway, my mum just caught me masturbating.
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Post by Pasha on Sept 22, 2011 6:48:55 GMT 1
First-Job
"A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot.
One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars.
The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.
The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those as*!#!es at Home Depot ever deliver the fu*#'ng sheet rock..."
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kergotu
I'm settling in nicely
Poultry Breeder
Posts: 286
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Post by kergotu on Oct 14, 2011 17:08:27 GMT 1
The past year has been pretty traumatic for me.
First I found out that the tooth fairy didn't exist, then I found out that superman isn't real and my parents were lying to me about Father Christmas.
And if all that wasn't bad enough already, I'm starting to suspect that the bloke on the rice packets isn't really my uncle Ben. ;D
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